This guest has an amazing story of God using his loss to serve others. Randy Pryor was a comedian, magician, and juggler. Through the loss of his marriage he turned to Christ to rebuild him and set him on a path to help other men in similar situations.

Guest’s Links:

References to Bible Verses:

John 16:33; Proverbs 3:5-6; Ephesians 5:25; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

My Ministry Mission Information

My Ministry Mission Social Media

Credits:

Cover Image & Music from Pixabay

Transcript

Jason: Welcome and thank you for joining me. My name is Jason and I'm your host. Imagine the worst possible thing to happen to you. What do you do? Do you seek God or do you scream into the sky? We all face challenges and tribulations through our lives. And Jesus warned us about this in John 16:33, when he told us in this world, you will have trouble, but he didn't leave it there.

He also taught us, but take heart. I have overcome the world today. We have another guest who has an amazing story of God using his loss to serve others. Randy Pryor was a comedian, magician, and juggler and quite talented, if you don't mind me saying so, but through the loss of his marriage, he turned to Christ to rebuild him and set him on the path to help other men in similar situations.

We're going to talk about his book, The SOS Reconnection Method, which is a how to book that should be on the top of your list for reconnecting separated husbands with their wives. Even if she's done, if you're struggling in your marriage right now, head over to https://randypryor.Com. It's https://randypryor.Com.

And check out what he has to offer. I have links in the website to all of his social media, his website, everything. So be sure to check them out and follow him. So let's get started talking to Randy.

Jason: So hello, Randy. Welcome podcast.

Randy: Hey, Jason, thank you so much for having me. This is going to be great.

Jason: Yeah, I'm, I'm honored. I always try to appreciate people gifting me their time because that is the most precious thing you have. So thank you for being here.

Randy: Absolutely. It is my pleasure. My heart goes out to anybody who has to go through any kind of relationship problems or you know, some very unfortunate, a separation or a divorce that it's just awful.

Jason: It is before I jump into this too far, did I miss anything important in the introduction?

Randy: No, it's all good. Yeah, I was a professional comedy magician and juggler. My whole life did, you know, basically a 40 year career doing that. And it was a lot of fun, but God had other plans for me.

Jason: Fair enough. Now, when you sent. In the guest interest form, you listed Proverbs 3:5-6 as your favorite Bible verse. It's "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make straight your path." Tell me how this verse speaks to you.

Randy: Yeah, that's actually one of the very first Bible verses I ever memorized and it hit me right between the eyes because it gives your life direction, right? Trust in the Lord with all your heart, all of your heart, not just part of it. Right. And that was something that I had to learn. So, okay. So the next part of it is After trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, which was wonderful for me because , there were so many things that I didn't understand.

So I thought, okay, well, if I don't have to understand it, then I can move forward. Okay, this is really hitting me hard. I love this. Okay, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways. Some translations say submit to him. Some say acknowledge him. In any case, it's all your ways, not part of it.

Everything, give it all to Christ and he will make your paths straight or he will make straight your paths, right? It doesn't say that he's going to make your paths easy. It says he's going to make your paths straight. Okay. That I can, I can understand that I get, I can get behind that. This really, really speaks to me and I can live my life this way.

So that's why it's so important.

Jason: Good. That's a great explanation. I do want to circle back to the professional comedian, magician and juggler and cruise ships. Now I've seen, I've seen your hat dance and you're, you're really good. What was it like performing at that level?

Randy: Oh, it was great. I had been doing magic and juggling and comedy and since I was like six years old. You know, it was, I was one of those kids I grew up. If I wanted to play with my brother, then I had to play sports 'cause he was into sports. Like most kids, I was a little different, right. I, for whatever reason, God put it in my heart that I liked the we'll call it circus arts, right?

Magic juggling balloon animals twirling a six gun, like all this riding in a unicycle, even a, what they call a giraffe unicycle. All of that was much more interesting to me then throwing a ball back and forth, you know, no disrespect for the folks who love, who love sports, but I was different. I just loved the, the other stuff and I couldn't wait to learn it.

So I did. And I jumped in and I started doing shows and one thing led to another. I worked at Disneyland for seven years and I, I worked, I had my own show on cruise ships for a long time. And like you just mentioned, if you want to see any of that stuff, if you go to randyprior. com, go to my website, Basically I've kept the archive site there.

So there's a little tab on my website and you can, you know, you can find the book there and you can find my story and all that kind of stuff. But there's, if you, if you click on the archive tab, you can go see what I used to do and you know, basically what I used to look like. Had a ball.

Jason: Now I don't, I don't mean to brag, but I can, I can juggle three balls for at least four seconds. I'm just saying, so

Randy: Wow. That's great

Jason: that kind of, that kind of moves our story along because you and your wife decided to start a family and you moved off of the cruise ship into kind of a different area of entertainment. So you mind walking us through that a little bit.

Randy: Sure. Yeah. We had a great time. I was on ships for about seven years and about the halfway point my my wife and I decided we got married and she went on the ships with me. And after another three and a half years, we thought, you know what we want to, it's all good. The money's good.

We had a great time out there on the ships and she was part of the act and everything, but we want to start a family. So we, we decided we don't want to have a family on the open ocean. So we're going to, you know, go on land. And I found three really great places to perform a local, you know, within, you know, an hour or two drive.

So that was fine. And then at one point actually within about 60 days, two of the three of those closed. And here I am with only one place to perform. And, you know, it was difficult trying to get other work. And so I turned to some online stuff and that started to work, you know, even better and I poured myself into it.

Cause I need to provide for the family, right? That's what the world tells us is really important. If you want to be a good husband, you need to become a good provider. So I dove in and I worked really hard and some would say too hard. And when I mean some, I mean my wife. So she was saying, Hey, I need more help.

You're working too hard on this. I said, yeah, but you know, I, trust me. If I, I'm going to open up my own company and it's going to work and we're all going to, you know, we'll be fine. And I just kept putting it off and putting it off. And after 14 years of marriage and two kids, she said, I can't do it anymore. I'm done. I don't love you anymore. I want a divorce. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought, hang on. Can we talk about this? No, I'm done. And my whole world started to crumble down. There was a separation and divorce. And I thought, okay, I don't even, I mean, I, it hurts so bad. I couldn't even see straight.

I'd rather have another kidney stone than go through that again. It was awful. But I went to my church and before this I considered myself a Christian, but you know, I'd go to church when she made me, you know, I would kind of go, all right, it's fine. But the Lord wanted me. All of me, not just part of me, not just every now and then, not just to be an attender at church. So I found a support group at my church, right? Okay. So I found a support group and I dove in and the support group was all, it was for separated guys. And I, and I jumped in, I started learning all the things that I should have been doing for fourteen years. Right. And I, I, I thought I had it wired because I had, I actually owned multiple companies. I had it all. I had a house and wife and kids and everything. And, and it was really important. Just asked me what a knucklehead.

Jason: Right.

Randy: I, I just let it all go and I, and I, I jumped into the support group and I learned all the stuff, and I gave my life to Christ. And, and six months later, after I joined, they made me a leader. And that was 14 and a half years ago and I'm still there. So I've been helping guys now for a very long time and now my life is full of joy and peace and significance and it's just completely different than how it used to be.

Jason: Wow, that's a lot. That's a lot to take in. And it's, and it hits you. I mean, like you said, a ton of bricks. You don't even see it coming. And, and the sad thing is, is that, you probably should have, and, and a lot of us who have been in similar situations, we should have seen it coming, but we didn't, didn't want to, or we didn't know to.

And, and that kind of brings us to your book the SOS Reconnection method. So at a, at a high level, 30,000 foot what, what is this book?

Randy: Yeah, it's about how to reconnect with your spouse even if she's done because as men we think in like two steps, okay, let's say that you're, you're a guy and you're going through a separation. Okay. Right. It's not about just a, a struggle or an argument. We're talking an actual separation. If you're going to get separated, your wife is generally thinking two things.

Number one, I can't stand the way it is. Number two, I can't imagine that it will ever change permanently. And that doesn't mean it can't change or get better. It just means that right at that point, she can't imagine it. And that's based on her personal experience with you. Right? So SOS and this is what the SOS reconnect is all about.

The first S is stop pushing her away. And we don't realize it. We don't realize that trying to fix it, actually makes it worse when there's a separation. Most guys will buy her flowers or, you know, add some romance to it or do anything to try and change her mind. But if there's a separation, if she's kicked you out or she's left or any of those kinds of things, the time for talking and trying to change her mind.

That time has passed. In fact, her biggest fear is that you do change. And she comes back to you, and things are great, for a while, and then things would slide right back into the way they used to be. That's her biggest fear. So if you're, if you're actually going through it right now, the first thing you want to do, stop pushing her away.

And you have to understand that she's not coming back to you. And I know that sounds harsh, but she's not coming back to you. She may go forward with you, but she's not going backward. So every time you suggest counseling or therapy or working on the marriage or even working on yourself, it feels unsafe to her.

Cause it represents going backward and that's what she's leaving. So the first thing you do in the SOS, the first S, stop pushing her away. O is open communication, but it's not about talking about the issues and the problems. Again, we're, we're the logical men, right? Okay. God made us different. The lady's got the nurturing and the intuition and the emotions and all great stuff, but that's not how God made us. He gave us the logic and the need to fix things.

Jason: Yeah, we're the fixers,

Randy: It's like it's in our DNA, right?

Jason: right?

Randy: Yeah, that's what we do. Okay, so he gave us the logic and the need to fix things. Okay, so we look at everything in our life as a two step process. Something's broken, let's fix it. And that's what works for us in the world. If you're employed, you got a job, okay, then something's broken, you fix it.

Or we need more sales, go get more sales. It's a two step process for us. We think that, well, the relationship is broken, so let's work on it. Let's fix it. But for women, it's not a two step process. It's a three step process. If something's broken, like your relationship, okay, that's one. Step two is reconnect first, and then if you reconnect, then you work on fixing it, work on the issues.

Right. It's kind of like, it's kind of like God's sense of humor with sex. As you well know, as I think most of us understand, men feel more connected when they have sex with their wives. Okay. That's great. Except that for women, as you well know, you better be connected first or there'll be no sex. Right. Okay, well, this is very similar. We can't look at it like this is a logical thing. It's not. It's not. So the first S in SOS, stop pushing her away. The O, open communication. The final S is surround yourself with an accountability and support group. You can't do this alone. If you could have, you would have by now. So you have to have godly men around you speaking into your life. Here's what works. Here's what doesn't work. Do this. Do that. Whatever that is. You have to surround yourself with some godly people who've already been there and found healing. That's the SOS method there.

Jason: Yeah. And you mentioned, I mean, we're fixers. That's what we do. But here's the thing. I mean, if, if we have a problem and we can't fix it, well, then we get frustrated. And we, we make it worse when we get frustrated. And I imagine that can happen in the relationship too. You know, you get frustrated because you can't fix your marriage and now you're yelling at your, your wife or your girlfriend or whatever, because, because you can't fix it.

Randy: Right. And you're telling her all the reasons why she's wrong. Here's what we should do. All we need to do is this, and we're all about logical. And I promise you, I've been doing this for over 14 years now. I promise. I have never heard a wife say, honey, you're right. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways.

I've had no wife ever. It's not how it's going to happen. She needs to be able to imagine that life with you could be better than it's ever been. And anything else is going backwards. So, you can't fix the old, dead, irreparable marriage. You need to have a whole new marriage.

Jason: That makes sense. I mean, it makes sense when you explain it like that, but I would have never figured that out of my own.

Randy: Yeah, I didn't either. Most guys don't. I said the same thing everybody else says. Here's the most common phrase, Well, I knew it was bad, but I didn't think it was that bad. Okay. Well, there you go. Right? That's what we say. But, if you're smart enough to open your Bible. Okay, Ephesians 5:25 says it right there.

Happy wife, happy life. That's what the world teaches us. Okay. Make your wife happy. That's what the world teaches us. So we live by that. And, you know, it works sometimes, but that's not what Ephesians 5:25 says. Ephesians 5:25 does not say husbands make your wives happy. That's not what it says. It says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Well, that's different. See, making her happy is not in my control. Loving her the correct way is in my control. So it's not about making her happy and doing anything she wants. It's not what she wants. She wants you to love her. Put her first. And here's one of the things I tell my clients. If you had a giant poster that you could put up on your wall, I mean, it's so important you could just paint it on your entire wall. Huge phrase. Here's the phrase. "If it's important to you, it's important to me." And for us Christ followers, it's got two meanings.

If it's important to your wife, it's important to you. And if it's important to God, it's important to you. And when you live that way, when she can not just see it, but experience it and believe it when she believes it, she's not going anywhere. Why would she? If it's important to you, it's important to me.

Jason: Yeah, that makes sense. And that, and I did, so, you know, thank you for, for sending me the link. I did start reading it. I haven't finished it. I will, but. What I've taken from it is that, first of all, it's written to be understood. It's very simple read. It doesn't require, you know, an advanced degree in English to read it.

Very simple. But you, and you've already done a little bit in this, in this. Conversation, but you put some hard truths out there. You give it to a straight and, and there's no bones about it. It's all honest,

Randy: Yes, absolutely. Especially when a guy's going through any kind of separation. I mean, when I was going through it, I couldn't even see straight. So, reading some complex directions or instructions somewhere, that, that wouldn't work for me. It has to be plain and simple, has to be the truth, but it's got to be in bite sized chunks and here's the truth.

Boom. Right? For instance, I'll give you an example. I completely agree with Stephen Covey when he said, most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. And that's exactly what I did for 14 years. For some reason, I thought it was important that I could solve her issue or her problem during the description of it while she was telling me what was going on, I don't know why, but I thought it was important that I could come up with an answer, boom, just right off the spot, just right there.

Boom. Okay. Which meant I was never fully listening to her. And that's not how it works. So, you know, like we go back to my, my phrase there, if it's important to you, it's important to me. So the first thing you want to do is listen, really listen. And instead of trying to fix the issue, just go knee a knee, right?

Look at her, give her your full attention and listen. And if you don't get it, there's lots of phrases. You can say, one of my favorites is, can you help me understand, help me understand this better? I'm not getting it. Okay. And one of the things I want to mention to anybody listening, this is a tough one, but again, we're going to go right for the truth.

Don't base your behavior on her behavior. You're not nice to her when she's nice to you or because she's nice to you. You treat her like you're supposed to treat her because that's what we're supposed to do. So yeah, yeah. If she's not kind, you're still kind to her. If you're not, if you're not exactly sure what to do, open your Bible.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love is patient. Love is kind. Does not envy. It does not boast." It tells you exactly what to do right there. And a little sidebar here. The very first one, we've all heard this usually at your wedding. Love is patient. Love is kind. What's the very first one? Love is patient.

Patience is before kindness. Wouldn't you think that that means it's probably the single most important thing you can do? Love is patient. So instead of getting all wrapped around the axle, I got to fix this right away. She doesn't love me anymore. I got to fix that. I got her. I get it. I understand it. I felt it. I know what that feels like. You, you have to give patience. You have to learn to be patient. That's the first thing when, when you're going to love a person, love is patient.

Jason: That makes total sense to me. And it, and it, you know, it's funny because you say these things that make sense. And if I were to, you know, an hour ago, you would have asked me about something like this, I would have been like, I don't know, none of that makes sense. But you explain, and that's the beauty of the book and the beauty of your program is that it, it takes. What it's almost the book that men have been looking for all their lives. It takes what the women need and it puts it in a language that men understand.

Randy: right? Yeah. I tried to make it a real easy read. Yeah. It's basically, I wrote it for me 14 years ago. Cause I was just out of my mind. Yeah. You know, like, like I say in the book, I'd rather have another kidney stone than go through that again. And I, I just, I want it to be easy to read, easy to understand and actionable, what they call actionable, right?

Put it into action right now. What can I do? Because as men, patience doesn't work for us. That means I don't do anything. And that feels wrong to us. I have to do something. Okay, well, read this book. It's five bucks. The book's $4.99.

Jason: very affordable, very affordable. Now, here's the thing though, if you're, if you've been married for 20, 25 years, everything is great. I say, go read the book anyways. Because it may not be as great as you think, or it could be better. So I'm just going to throw that out there. You can comment on that if you want, but I think everyone, every man who wants to be in a serious relationship should take a moment to read this book.

Randy: I, yeah, I would. I absolutely would. Cause there's a lot of things that you can only learn through experience. And I put, you know, 14 years of listening to about 1400 guys and helping them get through this. Okay. So I've heard it all and I've, I've helped guys through it all. And it's pretty amazing how similar. Our situations are, one of my guys came to me, he was, you know, reached out to me and his wife had just asked him to leave, to get out, to move. And he didn't want to move. In fact, his buddies told him not to. He said, if you move out, it'll look like you're abandoning the family and she'll never let you back.

But he called and he said, well, what should I do? And I said, well, you, you've got a golden opportunity here. You can either demonstrate that you're going to put her first. Or you can demonstrate that you're going to put you first. What do you want to do? And he said, well, I want to put her first. I said, okay, then you have to move out.

So he moved out and he joined my program and we just started working on him. And about 10 and a half weeks later, he got a text from his wife. And all it said was, wow, I really like what I'm seeing and I miss you. Please come home. And he moved back home and they reconciled and they're doing great. As a matter of fact, he's one of my support coaches now.

That's how it works. When she can see it in action and not just hear the promises.

Jason: Yeah. And I imagine you have a lot of those successful stories of bringing husbands and wives back together, but maybe sometimes you don't, but regardless of the outcome of the relationship that you're coming to, to your program for, they're coming to your book for. I mean, is it fair to suggest that reading your book and using the process is a win regardless?

Randy: Absolutely. Guaranteed. It's guaranteed because it works. It's based on, it's based on God's word. So it works. You know, I, I just wish I had learned all this stuff a lot longer. Why? You know, my question for my, for my guys is always, why didn't we learn this stuff in like seventh grade? Why didn't we learn?

Well, because the world's broken, right? The world, all it teaches us is happy wife, happy life, and provide for your family. And then they will know that you love them. Well, there's so much more. That we're just not taught. We think that making our wife happy, giving her a bunch of money or being able to give her whatever she wants, that that's important.

And that's not what they want. They want us to lead. Okay. We woke up one day, realized we were the men. Okay. So we've got to lead the family, right? That's what it says in the Bible. We are the spiritual leaders of the household, except nobody teaches how to do that. Okay. So in a single sentence, here's what it comes down to.

Lead by example. That's it. It's not leading is not telling her what to do. We're telling the family what to do. It's leading by example. You go first. That's why when you work on yourself, okay. And the, it using the SOS part, if you're working on yourself, she can look at that and say, Hmm, I like what I see there.

Okay. I'm, I'm liking that. And then chances are she'll want to work on herself too. I've seen that over and over and over, but it won't happen when the husband suggests to the wife, you know, I think you could use some therapy. Yeah, that, that's, that's, that's, that doesn't work.

Jason: When you hear it out loud, it's not so great.

Randy: I know. I know it's awful. Or even, Hey, you know what? Let's get, go to marriage counseling. And I got to tell you the truth. Marriage counseling fails 85 percent of the time. You know why? Cause you've got two usually unhealthy people trying to get the other person to understand their perspective. That's what happens.

So instead I can save you a bunch of money. If you're going to marriage counseling, if you're going into couples therapy, shut up. I don't mean to be harsh, but listen, go in with an open ear and an open mind because she's going to give you gold. You're not there to try and try and change her. She's not there to try and change you.

How's that working for you? It's not. It's not working. So instead, go in and think, okay, I want to understand where she's coming from, not just put my foot down and make sure that I get my way. Here's a question. You want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?

Jason: right.

Randy: Usually you can't do both,

Jason: That's the key. I think in any, any disagreement is what is your intent? Is your intent to win the argument or is your intent to solve a problem?

Randy: right? Or connect, right? You want to, you want to connect. It's not about being right or wrong. It's not about, it's, it's not even about communication. We think it is, it's not about communication. Communication can be right. I want to make sure that she understands where I'm coming from. Okay. I'm sure you've tried that a lot again. How's that working for you? It's not about clear communication. That is not enough. It is about connection. You can connect with her. Basically, it's the emotional connection. Listen to what she's saying and connect with her feelings right underneath the words. That's what we help guys with.

Jason: And that's tough. I've had my own failures and relationships, but I also have a 13 year old daughter and she has An emotional spectrum that I can't even begin to comprehend. And the only way that I feel like I can help her is just by loving on her, giving her hugs, giving her that patience, giving her a little room so that she can experience whatever emotion she's not understanding herself.

And, and I, you know, there's a huge problem there in my opinion, that we don't, we don't have the depth of emotion as men to understand the full spectrum of what they're going through. And that's where maybe that understanding being patient needs to be part of that equation. I mean, am I wrong or you tell me.

Randy: No, no, no, absolutely not. You're absolutely right. Our problem is it's not really a problem. We just have to be aware of it. Again, we've got the logic. Okay. So that works for us. Do the job, fix it, whatever it is. Okay. So it's really difficult for us to not fix it. It's really hard when somebody brings us an issue.

Or somebody who's having trouble with something, we love them. So we want to help them. And we don't realize that helping them doesn't necessarily mean solving their issues, solving their problem. Okay. It does mean be patient, be kind, right? Here's one of the highest recommendations when you're. Either corresponding with someone or having, or engaging with someone, you want to be kind, clear, and concise. Kind first, clear, concise. Concise does not mean short. It means short enough to be kind and clear, right? It's not about explaining. I know a lot of, you know, women will call it mansplaining. Okay, knock it off. Don't do it. They don't want the explanation of what they should do. Sometimes they just need us to listen.

Okay. More often than not, we need to be present. We need to be with them. If they ask for it, then sure, go ahead and help them solve their problem or work on it with them. But we have a tendency. And when I say we, I mean me first, because I've already made all these mistakes, guys. I've made tons of mistakes.

Okay. I like to say I've made these mistakes, so you don't have to. Okay. I've made tons of mistakes. I used to try and help all the time. Okay. And that just pushed her away. Okay. So be patient, be kind, hear what they're saying. Give your full attention when you're talking with somebody, give them your full attention.

Okay. And I mean, you bring up a really good point. If you know, you've got a 13 year old daughter. Okay. The stuff that my guys tell me they learn in our program is not just for the wife. It's not just for their marriage. It's they call it legacy. Okay. This is for their kids. All of my guys. Who are dads, which is about 99 percent of them, right?

Most, most of my guys have kids. They report back that their relationship with their kids has increased, has gotten better by like a factor of 10 times. They say it is so much better guys who had an okay relationship, have amazing relationships with their kids now. Because of all the stuff they learn.

Jason: That's amazing. And in addition to writing, to reading your book, you know, you, you, you sound like you have a great team. If somebody wanted to connect with your, one of your coaches, with your team. What is the best way to do that? Cause I'm sure there's somebody out there sitting there who's listening to this going, I need that right now.

So what do they do?

Randy: Well, first thing you want to do is go to the website. Just go to randyprior.com And by the way, if you're just listening to this and you're not in a place to write it down you can also go, you can memorize this, it's super easy. SOSrandy.com That'll take you to the same place. Grab the book. Again, $4.99.

Start there. Inside the book, there is all kinds of great stuff and a link that you can go to to schedule an appointment. And by the way, I want to do this for all of your, for your audience. I would like to offer a free reconnection planning session for all of your audience. Anybody who would like it, it's free.

You can go to randyprior.com. You can click on the link. You can schedule a free reconnection planning session, because like we said, my heart goes out to anyone who has to go through this and I want to help. So, and there's no charge for it. You can just talk to myself or one of my support coaches and we'll get you on the right path.

Jason: That is incredibly generous. Thank you for that. I'll, I'll make sure to put all that information in the show notes so that if they are driving, they can go back to the episode and just click the link. So I try to make it easy, make it easy to get, get to what they

Randy: Great. Great. Great. Excellent. Yeah. We need to, we need to work on it. Just change your, change your approach, right? The more you try to fix it, the more it pushes her away. So instead of trying to fix the issues, instead of trying to fix the marriage or the relationship, here's how to do it. Work on yourself 100 percent.

That's the focus where the focus goes, right? A hundred percent focus on yourself. Become the best version of yourself. What we call you 2.0. Okay. When that happens, it takes all the pressure off of everything. And it lets her process. It gives her some more space so she can process. And you know, it'd be great if she could look at you differently.

I've got lots that I use to help me remember the concepts. And one of my phrases is if you'd like your wife to look at you differently, You got to give her something different to look at, and this is how you can do it.

Jason: Yeah. And, and you're telling her, you know, this just popped into my head. You're, you're basically saying, I love you so much. That I'm willing to look at me,

Randy: Mm hmm.

Jason: you know, I love you so much. I'm willing to reflect on what I need to do better. And that's, that's big. I mean, I imagine that's huge for them for women.

Randy: It is huge. It's, it's ginormous. But here's the key to that. The key is you want to change for yourself. Not for her, not for the marriage. She will smell that a mile away. It will feel like a manipulation. I'm doing all this work. Look at me. Look, I'm, I'm working on myself. Hey, I'm in a program. Look at me.

That's all manipulative. Right. And she'll see it. She'll know it. But when. You put 100 percent focus on yourself and you do it for yourself. And by the way, you can't fool God. He knows. He knows your heart. When you are healthy, when you've worked on yourself a lot, once you're healthy, God can tap her on the shoulder and say, Hey, I want you to notice this over here. Okay. Now what she does with that is between her and God, but he's not going to tap her on the shoulder until you get healthy.

Jason: Yeah. And I go off on a little tangent here. I don't know if you've ever seen the movie, a Knight's Tale. It's Heath Ledger, he's, you know, he's, he's pretending to be a knight, it ends up being really great at it. He's winning a lot of tournaments and he falls in love with this woman. And, and he does that thing where I win this tournament for you and it makes her mad and she comes back later, you know, they talk about it later and she's, and he goes, what would you have me do?

And she goes, if you truly love me, you will lose meaning. If you, if you truly love me, you will go against what is easy and what feels good for you. To show me. And that seemed like a powerful segue. I don't know why I brought that up, but it seemed like it was relevant.

Randy: Yeah. It's yeah. It can't be. I'm doing all this for you, which means it's temporary, right? It is unsustainable doing it. Being a good boy for her is not sustainable and that's not what God wants for us. God doesn't want us to change our personality. He gave us the personality. He wants us to grow. He wants us to become the man that he set out for us, right?

The God that, God wants us to grow into the man that he wants us to grow into, not for someone else. And she'll see it. She'll absolutely know it. You know, again, with one of the phrases, you want her to catch you doing something right? Well, not if you display it. Hey, look at the books I'm reading. That's trying to get credit for it.

You just focus on becoming the best version of yourself, you 2.0, and let God take the rest. Here's my final phrase that we live by. This is my motto. Here's the motto. Just do the next right thing for the right reasons with the right heart and leave the outcome to God. And that works because if it is, if it truly is the next right thing to do, you don't have to worry about the outcome.

Will she like it? Will it fix this? Will she come back to me? None of that stuff matters. If it's the next right thing to do, you leave the outcome to God. I promise it'll work out a thousand times better.

Jason: I think that's great. And I think that's a good place to kind of wrap this up. Before, before we finish up, do you have any parting thoughts, any last words for the listeners?

Randy: Yeah. It's all doable. Guys. You, you, you can get through this. Here's the great news. You can get through this. There is a way through this. Here's the hard news. There's only one way through this. It's not about trying to fix them. I mean, this is of course, if you guys are separated, it's not about trying to fix the issues, fix the problem, change her mind.

Right. When, when guys come to me and they say, how do I, how do I get her to get, you can stop right there. You don't get her to do anything. You work on you. If she chooses. That she wants to be with you. That's the only way this works. Anyway, you don't want her to come back to you because it's the right thing to do or because somebody convinced her to, that's not what you want.

You want her for one reason, because she wants to be with you and you can do that with God's help.

Jason: I love it. So I want to thank you again for coming on here and talking to us, Randy. This has been a real treat for me. And I know there's gentlemen, I've been at my audience is like 70 percent male. So there's gotta be guys out there who are going to really, really Appreciate your wisdom and, and your book and whatever you can do to make them better.

So thank you again for coming on here.

Randy: My pleasure. Thank you, Jason.

Jason: So thank you again for listening. Be sure to check out Randy's website at https://randypryor.com. That's https://randypryor.com. And remember to check out the show notes, you'll find his link there, all of his social media, his book is incredibly affordable. He said it was like five bucks and it's most definitely a small price to pay compared to what you gain.

So take a moment to like subscribe or follow me on your favorite podcast app. Check out the links in the show notes as well as all of my social media. Send me some feedback, even signing up for the podcast updates. Click all the links in the show notes. It'll be fun. If you enjoy the show, consider helping me support it.

https://myministrymission.com/support. If you can't afford a tip, that's fine. Just go there and get some ideas on how to share the podcast with your friends and family. Definitely helped me get Randy's message out there. Get in front of other guys until next time. Be sure to read your Bibles. Love your neighbors.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. So God bless to the listeners and God bless you, Randy.

Randy: Thank you.